I’ve been a bit behind with the finding joy challenge. Here’s day 5’s challenge.
My mom has always told me to dream big. But, I never did. I never thought I really could. I never thought any of my dreams as a child were really attainable because I always played by the rules. I was an obedient child. It was my duty to be the obedient daughter. I felt like there was no other choice. I was expected to finish high school and go to college. My goal was just to make it to college. I had no idea what I wanted to major in, so I just took classes and ended up being a Sociology major because I truly loved what I was learning. During that time, my mom always questioned my decision to study Sociology. I lied to her and the rest of the world saying I wanted to go into social work or become a teacher. I knew that wasn’t my calling, but I needed an answer.
During my freshman year in college, I told my mom that I wanted to go into fashion design. She actually wasn’t totally against it and accompanied me to check out a school I could possibly attend. Unfortunately, I wasn’t brave enough to take that next step to go to that school because I knew that I would have disappointed my mother. She wanted me to go to a “University” not this school. And because I had essentially no experience, I was told by the adviser at the school, that my best chance in getting into the school would be if I started out as a merchandising manager not as a fashion designer because I basically didn’t have a portfolio or anything to show. All I knew is that I could sew skirts on my grandmother’s vintage Singer sewing machine. I made pieces for myself, but that was about it. So, I went back and completed my BA at the University. I almost became a Humanities major because I loved writing so much. But I found what I learned in Sociology gave me a better view of the world. I finished in 4 years because I knew that my mom who was footing the bill for everything didn’t want to have to spend any more money than she had to. Unfortunately, even with a degree, I didn’t know what to do with my life.
Now married, with a surprise fourth child on the way, I’ve realized that I can still dream and pursue them. I’ve also realized that some of my dreams have come true. My current dreams are not much different from those I had during my teen years, but they are much more focused with the future in mind. As a teen, I use to say, “I want to quit school and start a business (a retail store).”
My dream is to own my own business. I want to set my work hours and be as creative as I want to be. The only people I’ll have to answer to are my kids and my husband. One day, I know it will happen. It’s just a matter of time and a little luck.
Here’s day 3’s challenge. This image helps me focus. I heart them.